I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki by Baek Sehee is an internationally bestselling South Korean memoir and psychological lifeline that offers an incredibly raw, intimate look at living with persistent, mild depression (dysthymia).
Structured primarily through a series of verbatim dialogue transcripts between the author and her psychiatrist, the narrative documents Sehee’s high-stakes quest to understand the invisible, suffocating emotional duality that dictates her daily life. On the surface, she is a successful youth fiction editor who appears perfectly fine to the outside world; underneath, she is trapped in a exhausting cycle of self-doubt, anxiety, and deep-seated insecurities that quietly dismantle her emotional defenses. The book’s striking title perfectly encapsulates this confusing paradox of modern mental health the feeling of being completely overwhelmed by a passive desire to disappear, while simultaneously being pulled back to the warmth of life by the simplest, most grounding human comforts, like a favorite plate of spicy street food.
Moving seamlessly beyond the sterile clinical analysis found in traditional self-help, this poignant text functions as an emotional mirror for anyone navigating a quiet, internal conflict. By bravely documenting her own vulnerabilities, shifting loyalties to her own well-being, and the slow-burn realization that healing is a non-linear process, Sehee bridges the gap between deep introspection and universal solace, proving that it is entirely okay to be a beautiful, imperfect patchwork of both darkness and light.
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